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Friday, June 29, 2012

Does my bum look big in these?

A while back when we the Lairs were doing the Flat 400, Aiden and I made a pact now known as the “got your back pact”, it came about when, much to Aiden’s dismay I bought a bread roll covered in poppy seeds at one of the control points, his concern was that as we would be the focus of the Audax paparazzi, what if, in one of the photos my million dollar smile was a virtual mouthful of full stops formed by all the poppy seeds stuck in my teeth. My response to him was that I was confident that he would tell me if such a situation should arise, saving me from any potential embarrassment caused by such a lapse in standards, thus the birth of the the pact. We then discussed this further and recognised the many other potential disasters that plagued the lycra clad endurance celebrity.
The traps are many for those who dare drop their guard while on a ride, snot on your shoulder from a wayward bush blow, chamois cream on the front of a bloke’s nicks (boy he really enjoys his riding) or the latte moustache. There is a horror which surpasses all these things, one thing that can spoil a ride not just for yourself as the enormity is only fully realised when riding with others, it is..see your crack through your nicks syndrome.
I have ridden with people who have suffered this scourge, riding behind him or her and wondering if a heads up would be a welcome part of the usual bunch chit chat, “hey Mary, I can see your ass through your nicks” may not be the thing to say if you want to be friends for life.
Last weekend the wheel had turned full circle for me and while Aidan was not on this particular ride His old man and brother where and the pact bore fruit. “I can see your ass through your nicks” said the guru, “but only when the sun shine on them” (normally the sun is shining from the other direction).
We were already well into our ride and I was well and truly exposed, literally. Mate and Adele were riding off the front and I was thankful Meg wasn’t around coz’ after all the ribbing I give her about her.... I had nothing, it was too cold to take my jacket off and tie around my waist so I/we had to ride this one out, harder for the gang than me.
So, from this I guess you need to ask yourself what you would do? Would you tell a mate or maybe a stranger the bare truth, you could use it as a form of trash talk during a crit.
As an aside, Aiden was the one that recommended those nicks to me in the first place, I've only worn them a handful of times and I think I suggested them to Leigh.
What are your nicks like at the moment??
Andy, Glo and ken are heading off to Ireland for a cycling holiday on Monday, have a great trip.

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